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All in all, there are five levels of swell: the first being Subtle, the second being Moderate, the third being Dramatic, the fourth being Extreme and the fifth being Ultimate. While the first four made some sense—I could see describing someone’s cleavage as subtle or moderate; dramatic was a little odd, but OK; and extreme just sounded fun—I found ultimate to be somewhat baffling.

It’s not that Ultimate wasn’t a suitable word choice to describe cleavage spilling out of a top, it’s just that it followed extreme, a word that, in order of magnitude, is usually only followed by death. Bungee jumping, skydiving, shark diving: all of these have one thing in common.

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