Dark women dating dating a shy coworker
“My features were not the problem,” she wrote, “rather, it was the colour of my skin.”With that in mind, I’m ashamed to admit it, but to some degree I tailored my Tinder persona to fit into the mould of eurocentric beauty standards in order to optimize my matches. But from growing up in a predominantly white area and having my hair, skin and culture under constant scrutiny, I knew that not everyone would.For instance, I was wary of posting photos with my natural hair out, especially as my main pic. I didn’t have any white Tinder-using friends to compare matches with, but with the matches that I did receive, I had to consider whether or not each guy genuinely wanted to get to know me or had only swiped right because I was Black, hoping to fulfill a fetish or fantasy.This was just one of the sobering experiences that made me realize that as a Black woman, Tinder had all the same issues I face walking through the world, just on a smaller screen.This manifests in many ways, from harsh stereotyping to hypersexualization and the policing of our appearance.While my pseudo-stalker scared me off of the app, he didn’t discourage me from love altogether.I didn’t find my next partner on Tinder but I’m still hopeful that somewhere in the real world, my next match awaits.Sitting at the bar of a dimly-lit Toronto restaurant, I swiped through his Facebook photos to see a) if any of his girlfriends had mysteriously died or vanished à la Joe Goldberg or b) if any of them were Black.
As I waited for my Tinder date to arrive, I got deeper and deeper into his social media.Since I’m still at the dawn of my twenties, I didn’t have a problem with that.But after falling in love with my ex, I experienced the intensity of my first serious relationship and endured the pain of my first breakup.(Whether or not his ex was dead was inconclusive, but I digressed.) My suspicions aside, we chatted about our respective upbringings, interests, first jobs and last relationships over cocktails.Everything was going well until my date went from talking about previous relationships to mansplaining why historically Black colleges and universities were racist, and lamenting that there aren’t enough white dancehall artists.