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I suspect that at least a few gay women actually have made attempts at “making a move” and romance with my friend, but not in the manner she’d been conditioned to understand.

Conversely, many of my lesbian friends have complained of bi women disappearing after a few dates, or “ghosting”, as it’s called these days.

While lesbian women are certainly bombarded with the same messages about romance as everyone else, I wonder if perhaps they don’t internalize them to the same extent.

Both parties then go their separate ways, bemoaning what seems like a lost cause.“There are more straight men out there then gay women; simple math tells us that a bisexual woman is more likely to end up with a man than another woman.”The above point is frequently cited in an attempt to explain why so few bi and lesbian pairs exist.

From an early age boys and girls are taught that relationships are successfully obtained by performing “complementary” roles of cat and mouse, pursuer and pursued, the actor and the acted-upon.

Consequently, girls learn to define romance as a noun — a subjective experience brought about by a man’s actions.

Boys, on the other hand, learn to define romance as a verb — something they must actively do to earn a girl’s affections.

This socialization has immediate implications for all queer romance, but presents an even greater obstacle for a potential lesbian and bisexual pairing, as illustrated by the following quote from a very good friend of mine (who’s also a bi woman):“Honestly, I don’t even like men all that much. But they make me feel wanted and desired in a way that very few women ever do.

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